In this post I’m personally talking about communication in a relationship, but we all know that these simple truths pertain to all avenues of life. You won’t like what I’m about to say, and you may not pay attention to it at this moment, but if you want to live a weightless life without constant recurring battles – you should take a very seriously look at this, and at your own communications.
Clean up the mess EVEN IF you didn’t make the mess.
Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t like that. I don’t like it either. It pisses me off so much sometimes, SO much, but in the end it always turns out better. After the ash has settled you’ll have a chance to have a heart-to-heart conversation where both people (hopefully) own up to their part of the responsibility in creating the mess (because BOTH people are usually responsible when it comes to communicating). If that doesn’t happen, move on. Don’t get into another argument about how they’re not taking responsibility (even though you want to SOOOOO bad!) because it will lead you to nowhere good…it will lead you back to the beginning. Guess what, you’ll have yet another mess to clean up that “wasn’t your fault.”
I’m cutting so deep, I know (a pinch of sarcasm). We all have so much pride, you know? We have so much “rightness” about us. WE are the GOOD communicators and THEY are the HORRIBLE ones! Arrrgghhhhh!!! They totally suck, I know. We are awesome on the other hand, not a thing wrong with us (a tablespoon of sarcasm).
There’s a trick to this whole “cleaning up the mess that wasn’t ours in the first place” business. You have to own it. You have to be sincere about it. You have to be the one who takes responsibility in a serious way, rather than in a “fine, I’ll be the bigger person and be responsible for YOUR mess” kind of way. They’ll feel it if you are faking it, and it won’t turn out well. Trust me.
Just take it on, try it out, see what happens. It may take a few rounds before you can actually do it with sincerity, but you’ll get there. You’ll know when you’re there because it won’t even occur to you that ANYONE is at fault, you’ll just clean it up without even thinking about it. “Who cares who made the mess,” you’ll think, “let’s just move on with our lives.” And you will do just that, you’ll move on to a more positive place with that person and they won’t know what hit them. It’s amazing what happens when you completely flip the way you’ve been with someone into a whole new way of being. Many times they don’t quite know what it is, but they like it. It’s fun. Try it out or else.